When I read your story it was almost like reading about my own life, exept I´m a woman, a little bit younger, norwegian and did not spend so much time in prison as you. I have a poem that I would like you to read. Since I can only use 3000 characters I´ll post a new comment, I allready shortened this down to almost no details.
I had no one when I grew up. I was moved around like a bag of potetoes. From I was 15 until I was 18 was the worst, I had 36 different "homes". I never had a home, and I was developing behaviour problems, I started to disrespect the law and authoroties. I was no longer able to give or recive "love", When I met kindness I got paranoid, thinking they where out to abuse me in a way. When I was 17 I got pregnant with a drugaddict that was 14 years older than me. The goverment realeased me from their care and left me with nothing. When I turned 18 my son was born, that little cute face saved my life, I don´t know where I had been if it wasn´t for him, when I held him I felt love for the first time in many years. I wanted to do whatever I could to keep him safe and for him to feel loved. But by law in Norway the goverment removed him from my care, telling me since I grew up as an orphan I was not suitable for childcare, I had him the 1st year. I had been fighting my whole life just to get things others see as normal, like food, clothes etc... So I was thinking why waste my time fighting the goverment, people like me never wins anyway, but I had to keep my son from getting the childhood I had. Atleast he can read his file when he is 17 and then he will know, no matter what "my mother never gave up." So I contacted a lawyer, I lost the first time, but I still got to meet him in once each month for 2 hours, I lost the second time and they took it all away. I was thinking, I can´t do this anymore, to see my little innocent boy cry everytime mom has to leave him, he was to little to understand. it was just to much. A few months after I turned 19, on christmas eve I tried to commit suicide, I´ll never forgive myself. I used a rasorblade and cut both my wrists all the way up to the elbow.
17.11. 2010. hello all my inmate, my e-mail are bf.1969@hotmail.com my name are bjarte fagerlid i live in denmark, i realy want to help so please take contact
It´s very difficult to read this letter, it´s blurred after beeing scanned. Can you please write it again in darker ink or with a thicker paper, exuse my spelling I´m norwegian and not so good in English writing.
I don´t know what to write really, exuse my writing, I´m norwegian so sometimes the spelling is not so good, I just wanted to tell you that your drawings rock, keep on posting them and I will make sure to read all your blog posts :) And also post a comment. Kind Regards "OrphanNorway"
hi,first of all a greeting from Europe,i found out about this site yesterday and tried to see what it was all about. I ve been reading some stories and they surely touches ones heart on behalf of the the victim or the person behind bars,in the end its soo tragic why sometimes we are on the wrong place at the wrong time. I want to say to this Jacob that i read ur story and it was well written and people should take lesson and learn from others mistakes right,thanks for sharing this and let us see some of the inside behind the bars.
You mentioned Central Texas College's "Computer Training Program." I'm curious what kind of computer equipment and services and training are available to you. How far can you take this interest, if you so desire? Can you go in publishing directions, or software programming directions?
The internet is a resource as well as a stage, so to speak. So in addition to expressing your views, which is great for us, you can also ask technical questions, which may help in your studies.
Just an idea. It would be good if blogging was a two-way street of information and help.
There are some things you say in this letter that remind me of my own experiences. Though never incarcerated, I had my share of run-ins with the law as a young man. I was lucky enough to find people who helped me pull out of the situation I was in. Like you, I also thought for many years afterwards that these were the choices I made, bad ones certainly, but that they were things that I did. I refused to see myself as a victim.
With the benefit of a few more years, I can say that yes, I made those bad choices, and yes, I was responsible for the things I did, but the choices I had were also constrained by the situation I found myself in. In one sense, I was the perpetrator of acts that were profoundly negative for myself and others. And at the very same time, because of the situation I found myself in, which was complex, I was not able to see the good choices I could make if I chose to.
Sometimes when we attempt to take responsibility for our past wrongs, we go overboard. This can keep us from truly learning the lessons of our experience, because we do not allow ourselves forgiveness. And if we do not forgive ourselves on some level for our bad actions, then we cannot honestly address the root causes that led to our bad actions in the first place.
I hope you will continue to post on this blog. And I hope that you find greater peace in your self-reflection.
RSS
When I read your story it was almost like reading about my own life, exept I´m a woman, a little bit younger, norwegian and did not spend so much time in prison as you. I have a poem that I would like you to read. Since I can only use 3000 characters I´ll post a new comment, I allready shortened this down to almost no details.
I had no one when I grew up.
I was moved around like a bag of potetoes.
From I was 15 until I was 18 was the worst, I had 36 different "homes". I never had a home, and I was developing behaviour problems,
I started to disrespect the law and authoroties.
I was no longer able to give or recive "love",
When I met kindness I got paranoid, thinking they where out to abuse me in a way.
When I was 17 I got pregnant with a drugaddict that was 14 years older than me.
The goverment realeased me from their care and left me with nothing.
When I turned 18 my son was born, that little cute face saved my life, I don´t know where I had been if it wasn´t for him, when I held him I felt love for the first time in many years. I wanted to do whatever I could to keep him safe and for him to feel loved.
But by law in Norway the goverment removed him from my care, telling me since I grew up as an orphan I was not suitable for childcare, I had him the 1st year.
I had been fighting my whole life just to get things others see as normal, like food, clothes etc... So I was thinking why waste my time fighting the goverment, people like me never wins anyway, but I had to keep my son from getting the childhood I had.
Atleast he can read his file when he is 17 and then he will know, no matter what "my mother never gave up."
So I contacted a lawyer, I lost the first time, but I still got to meet him in once each month for 2 hours, I lost the second time and they took it all away.
I was thinking, I can´t do this anymore, to see my little innocent boy cry everytime mom has to leave him, he was to little to understand. it was just to much. A few months after I turned 19, on christmas eve I tried to commit suicide, I´ll never forgive myself. I used a rasorblade and cut both my wrists all the way up to the elbow.
To be continued.....
hello all my inmate, my e-mail are bf.1969@hotmail.com
my name are bjarte fagerlid i live in denmark, i realy want
to help so please take contact
-OrphanNorway-
Kind Regards "OrphanNorway"
I ve been reading some stories and they surely touches ones heart on behalf of the the victim or the person behind bars,in the end its soo tragic why sometimes we are on the wrong place at the wrong time.
I want to say to this Jacob that i read ur story and it was well written and people should take lesson and learn from others mistakes right,thanks for sharing this and let us see some of the inside behind the bars.
The internet is a resource as well as a stage, so to speak. So in addition to expressing your views, which is great for us, you can also ask technical questions, which may help in your studies.
Just an idea. It would be good if blogging was a two-way street of information and help.
I just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading your very eloquent, articulate and touching blog.
Thank you, and I hope to read more from you in the near future!
With the benefit of a few more years, I can say that yes, I made those bad choices, and yes, I was responsible for the things I did, but the choices I had were also constrained by the situation I found myself in. In one sense, I was the perpetrator of acts that were profoundly negative for myself and others. And at the very same time, because of the situation I found myself in, which was complex, I was not able to see the good choices I could make if I chose to.
Sometimes when we attempt to take responsibility for our past wrongs, we go overboard. This can keep us from truly learning the lessons of our experience, because we do not allow ourselves forgiveness. And if we do not forgive ourselves on some level for our bad actions, then we cannot honestly address the root causes that led to our bad actions in the first place.
I hope you will continue to post on this blog. And I hope that you find greater peace in your self-reflection.